All people have a conflict-handling method toward which they naturally gravitate. Have you ever considered which one you tend to use—or whether it's the best one for the job when you find yourself embroiled in a conflict?

Your options include:

1. Avoidance: ignoring a conflict rather than resolving it with the other person. This can be a useful method when the conflict is unimportant. For example, it may be wiser to ignore the fact that your significant other leaves the toothpaste a mess/puts the toilet paper roll on backwards/leaves clothing strewn around the bedroom. Your needs are satisfied by avoiding (or postponing) confrontation. However, if you use this conflict-handling method on something that matters to you (or the other person), the result is often that no one’s needs are met and the unresolved conflict continues to cause problems in the future.
2. Compromise: both sides give and take, emphasizing harmony and fairness. You get half of what you want and I get half of what I want. It's a good way to meet part of everyone's needs ... but sometimes the solution you compromise on won't meet anyone's needs well.
3. Domination: it's my way or no way. My needs are met, but at the expense of others' needs. This can be an appropriate way to handle conflicts where there is little room for discussion. For example, police officers clearing the area of a bomb threat aren't likely to take no for an answer. But if you use this method frequently, especially in less extreme situations, it may breed anger and resentment in others, leading to more conflict.
4. Giving in: letting the other person have his/her own way. Others' needs are met at your expense. It's a good approach if the other person is right or if the issue is less important than the relationship. But if you overuse this method, resentment and anger can breed within you, leading to more and stronger conflict in the future.
5. Collaboration: searching for a solution that meets everyone’s needs. Everyone invests in creating the best solution. Collaboration requires some skill to facilitate and reaching a conclusion can be time-consuming, but this is the best approach when the issue is really important.

Is it easy for you to pick out which of these you use most readily? If not, you can use our conflict response style survey (PDF) to look at your tendencies. The style you get the highest score in is likely to be your most natural response to conflict situations. (Scores can range from 5 to 20.)

What's your natural conflict response method? When has it helped you? When has it hurt you? How do you seek productive results from conflict?